How I wish life can be as beautiful as black and white.

I'm turning 21. I'm turning freaking 21 in a couple of months!

The idea of being officially 21 is totally rad but it got me thinking as well. What have I done for the past 2o yrs of my life? Will there be enough teenage memories for me to keep and reminisce at some point in my life? I've never been a bad kid growing up. I grew up like the proper lady I was made to be. So much so, I thought I was a living the life of a real princess; proper and "dead" life. Basically, I have never done ANYTHING wrong or illegal. Okay maybe a lil evil misdeed every now and then. I'm not a saint but I'm not a sinner either. Well I'm just, me.

Here's an outline of my life as of now. All I know is that:

1. I won't be graduating till the end of this year.

2. I have no clue where I will be having my internship.

3. I don't have a boyfriend nor a car license.

My life is pretty much static. It revolves around countless emails, pending articles, going to school, vicious cycle of gaining/losing weight, having late night shift weekend job and cabbing. The only regret I think I will have when I'm in my 20s is looking back and thinking to myself why I was not an anorexic when I was a teenager.

Things I really need to do in life:

1. Save enough money to open my dream cafe.

2. Write "goodbye" letters before I die for all the people that matters.

3. Get my own apartment.

4. Earn lots of bob.

5. Find Mr Right.

Till then.

I'm tired of feeling guilty and horrible because of some people. I'm tired of feeling like everything is just another white lie. I'm tired of feeling like people can't trust me. I'm tired of people judging me and not caring about what makes me happy. I'm tired of feeling jealous. I'm tired of saying hi just to get a gold treatment in return. I'm tired of missing a person knowing there's nothing I can do about it. I'm tired of making the first move to create a conversation, just to let you know that you're still my friend. I'm tired of all this.

Right now all I need is to be away from people. If you can't reach me, I'm sorry but I'll be back. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next month or even next year. Please don't find me because I do not want to see or talk to any of you. Don't text me, don't call me, don't meet me.

Just because it is not easy to make me fall for you does not mean I'm an interesting challenge to take up.