I went through all my past posts & we really had a good time when we were together. Most of my posts will have him in it. It was the best moments of my life I must say. I hope one day, we can be just that, all over again.

I'm really upset I can't go to Rainie Yang's world tour concert ! I love all her songs, her hair & her dramas !!!!!!! The cheapest $38 but at the back for what right? If I go for the concert, I'll have to forgo alot of things ! :(

Some help here with the cash flow please !

You are my someone who'll never come to me again, aren't you?

I'm so gonna watch this. Firstly, the title has my name on it & secondly, this trailer touched my heart.

I've changed my blog song again.

I love this song from 2NE1 !

Ignore my cheeks! I just dunoe why I have two layers of cheeks ! Fat face ttm !

Meet my new fringe ! Ridiculous much isn't it?! I had to changed it to the left side. Hais. Itchy hands !

Anyways, ystrday we went for THE family dinner with my dad's side. My uncle treated us to seafood & the crab was AWESOME. haha. Ate alot ! Then went to my parent's friend's crib & played cards most of the time & got home around 5 in the morning. I want to learn how to play mahjong ! like fun only. I was kinda bored after awhile so I texted L but he didn't reply any ! I needed company lor last night, hen men :(

So what do you think of my fringe? :)

Look at how long my fringe was ! I so regret cutting them off ! Now I look like a retard. HAHA! But luckily it's not that short & I can put it at the side instead of letting it go like a straight bangs.

My lovely nail colours :)

I love to paint my nails ! I love neon & pastel colours ! I painted my nails light purple/lilac for work. Now that working is over, i painted my nails dark pink. I pasted
a skull sticker this time round. Kinda messy. My nail stickers finishing soon ! Tomorrow got family dinner. Dad's side are all the troublesome bunch.

I'm slightly better now.

Yesterday L replied a few words but all of it were hurtful. I cursed him to be dead. & I don't really want that to happen. I'm so sorry. I said that out of anger. I know you had fun ever since you left. You talk to your dearest "Friend(J***E)" with love on FB as compared to the msges you replied me. I'm SURE the chalet was fun. He just loves it when girls gave him the attention or disturb-disturb him & anything with alcohol involved. People can move on & lead a single life but still have feelings for the person they loved right? I asked him that & L said there's no longer any. It's time to move on & not ponder about it. How can someone change overnight? Why is he like this? I don't know why but I think he's just acting so that I will eventually hate him. He's trying to act the jerk so I'll move on get another guy & be happy. I won't move on ever. I just don't want to. If any guy says he likes me from now on, I'll just punch his face. Because it's all lies & being me(jinxed), I'll be dumped sooner or later. So no more guys for me. I will just stay the way I am & love the only person that matters to me which forever will be L. I thought about alot of things yesterday & didnt sleep well. L loved the fried rice I sometimes cooked for him. So on every 1st of Sept of every year, I will cook the fried rice & it eat myself. I know it's kind of pathetic but when you have to celebrate it yourself, you'll make do with what reminds you of the person you love & it will be a happiest thing to do. I've tried my best to ask him to be with me again for many many times. He established the fact that I'm nothing from the start. He seems happy with a pool of girl friends, work, mahjong, alcohol & hurling hurtful things to me. I shall let him be happy for one unhappy person is enough. After this post, I shall not mention about L for as long as I can. I will lead the life I've plan for myself- a life full of Leonard in it. & to whom he might end up with one day, you should know that you are lucky & you must never do anything to hurt him. I wish you hapiness L. But one thing I'll ask from you, please do still click on my nuffnang ads ok? Thank you.

This is my favourite picture of him. He looks damn hot when his face turns red when he drinks. But sorry you guys can't see it here cos I've darkened the picture.

I'm working for 4 days ! :) My ankle hurts badly but I have to earn extra money for my cab-ing for sem 2. I calculated & my transportation is more than my allowance money every mth -.-
I work as a promoter & the other promoters will come to me & ask me if I got bf because they say I'm very beautiful. Stereotype much! Then when I say NO, they'll be like, "Aiyo, how can dun have!" That's how some of the promoters start a conversation with me. Working also must talk abt L. =/

L is having class chalet. I truly miss him like crazy.

I'm scared to face another day

Cos the fear in me just won't go away.

In an instance, you were gone, now I'm scared.

I had this blue-black (is this how u spell it?) for almost a week now. I banged my arm through the chair while rushing off to go to school for UT. Damn painful. I'm not sure if you guys can see it from the picture but it is for sure damn obvious on my left arm :(

Dear L,
I just want to share my achievement with you here since you're ignoring my texts. My movie review got published in the Republican post 5. It's my first article :) IF you want to read it, you have to gt it at the OSC. But don't worry, I will print screen my article once I go get mine.
I'm sorry I asked again. It seems like a forbidden question to you :(

xoxo

Shall post something soon. I've changed my blog song again. All the songs I picked were somehow relatable to what I am feeling now. . till forever.

Today, I turned 20. My mum got mini durian cakes.
Went out with Irin today & went to Daiso & Sheng Shiong to shop for my brother's goodies bags for his birthday this Sun. I'm more interested in celebrating other person's birthday then mine because my wish didn't come true. Bought the caramel corn from Daiso. Damn nice ! I ate 3/4 of it.

I asked him again today & got rejected, again. I've done everything but he still don't pity me. I don't know what else to do guess I have to be at the sidelines forever. If only you cared, I would probably have a blast today.

Now I'm the psycho EX while you're enjoying your freedom.
Anyways, what goes around comes around.

I shall blog now. I need to let out my feelings. It's my birthday today. And L wasn't the first to wish me. Maybe because he's busy working. That's fine. But when he did wish me, all he sent was, "Happy Birthday Girl." yup That's all. When I replied or texted something, I'll receive just a smiley face, regardless of what the topic is about. I guess he does not even have anything more than a smiley face to say to me anymore. A lil more words apart from the wish is also difficult to get from him. I know I'm just another ex but will it kill you to say something more or nicer on my birthday? Yet getting a text from you is always something I look forward to every freaking day. I'm such a loser.

Thanks everyone who wished me @ FB, twitter & SMS. But I'm not gonna celebrate my birthday. No cake no nothing. I don't wish to celebrate getting older each year ever.

Shall update tomorrow. Happy birthday to me.

Tomorrow last UT ! Yipee :) Hope I pass all. So far 2/4 UT modules only difficult.

It's been awhile since I hear your voice, seen your face, hold your hand & text you. I'm afraid as time goes by, you'll completely forget about me & that sucks. I miss you so much.

I'm getting fairer & fatter because I never go out during the holidays except for house visits & UTs. I want to go out some days but I don't have the mood. I don't wish to see couples everywhere. It's kind of depressing. 3 more days & I'm gonna be 20. Old lady already :(
Not gonna celebrate any of my upcoming birthday(s) anymore. I don't have to be happy knowing that I getting older each year. There's nothing to look forward to anyways.

I also want to post about my bf this la my bf that in my blog like other people who are in love :( Seriously ****, you suck. You rather think of your own well being. Why do I still miss you?

Omg I'm looking like shit nowadays. Gotta do something about it !

My sis took this pic.

Selamat Hari Raya all. I hate my face this year. I didn't sleep a wink the night before. I painted my nails cranberry red & pasted a sad smiley sticker on my toes at 4 am ! Insomia + you will kill me one day. Went to a few houses yesterday. This year, my family bought an island shop linen top & wore a bustier inside with songket(the black "long skirt"). I like this year's outfit cos it's 3/4 sleeve which makes life easier and cooler. There's MORE pictures but I will upload the rest some other day.

I really wonder how you do it. You are really enjoying your freedom, mahjong with * & all. What happen to you? I want back what's mine. Can we rewind?

One day, we'll be together again. My birthday wish on the coming 15th. *wink *wink

Had 2 UTs so far. M202 damn difficult for me but M203 was kind of easy. 3 more UTs to go. I kinda like having UTs at 8.30am. I will go out of my house by 6.15 to avoid the crowd & meet Shad & Rose at woodlands. But the darkness at 6 plus in the morning is really freaky. I kept turning back to make sure there were no suspicious beings eventhough the blks ard my place were practically deserted in the morning ! Am glad that it would be another morning UT for Research methods.

In my heart there will always a place for you all my life. If only money can buy love, I will work my ass off to earn enough & I also create will a " help Irish " fund-raising to buy love from you. There was never a day that I did not think of you. I really miss you :(

To everyone who has helped in one way or another to make me feel better, I really appreciate it. But I'm sorry I can't be who you guys want me to be. Please don't hate me for that ok? And to those who can't stand my never ending emo posts, I'm sorry but I do not have anything special to write about regarding my life & I do not take many pictures anymore. Gommenasai Blog.

My ankles are killing me especially the left one. I'm so doomed. It hurts like the other time. I hoped it won't be swollen. I have UTs ! Shall eat the medicines again :(

Please Please.

Hope I pass tomorrow's UT. I need to get atleast a C.
To my close friends and Him, I wish you guys luck for the upcoming UTs!

Hope you are doing fine. I'm sure you are by now. I just hope you'll be happy because whatever I'm doing now is all for your happiness. I'm doing well aren't I? I really tried very hard to refrain myself from texting you. It's been 2 days since I really texted you. I promised you I won't do so & I'll keep to it.

It's killing me but it's worth it I guess because I'm trying to help you achieve your happiness.

He loves making friends. Don't worry sweetie, he won't delete you.

Had to help out with the cleaning & decor today. Every year my task will be just to polish all the swords, samurai & brass antiques. Guess why? -.- It's because I am a perfectionist. I will not stop polishing it till it shines & I can look at it like a mirror. On Wednesday we gonna start assembling the carpets & all. Thursday night, help my mum to cook. I can't rely on our stupid maid during this festive season cos she practically didn't listen to whatever we say to her. I swear to god the house is much cleaner when me & my sis were doing all the chores back then.

Anyways my ankles are starting to hurt again. I bought a wedge heel. It's not that high but I really hope my ankles won't swell. I will bring my medication everywhere I go just in case. If it gets swollen, I'll be doom because I'm all alone now. He's not there to help or be there anymore. I just really feel so lost & alone.

When school reopens, I will wake up exceptionally early to go to school. I'll take 187 to interchange & cab to RP after that everyday. But I'm worried about the going home part. I have this bad phobia of alighting a bus especially if my stop is not the last stop. Before, he will be there to help me hold my laptop, press the doorbell (which I have phobia of too) & will lead the way to the door. All I have to do is follow right behind him & I will definitely alight at my bustop because we'll alight at the same bustop. He promised to not let me go home alone ever since that day when I couldn't bring myself to stand up & alight because I was alone. I was really scared. This is a true phobia I am facing with. I am not making this up or what people. What am I going to do without you when I go home for another 1 and a half year of poly life in RP?

Even if I go home with Bahar or Shadrina, I may not get to alight at my own stop. That's because Bahar will alight 3 stops after while Shadrina 2 stops before.I still have to stand on my when my stop arrives. That's the most difficult part for me. Even if I want to stand, my body just wouldn't react. & usually if I'm with Bahar, I will alight at her stop & then take 188 to another stop near my house. But I can't so it anymore because the stops after mine will be flooded with ITE people from ITE Chua Chu Kang ! haix.

How?

Maybe I should put the biggest percentage on transportation in future. I foresee cab-bing all the time. I'm so doomed :'(

Watch this epi.
I'm jealous of Eui Joo & Hae Na from 2.39 onwards :(

Just tell me you don't love me
Tell me you don't feel the same way that I do
Tell me I don't make you smile
Like I do when you walk in the room

You're so hard to let go

Everyday seems so stupid & hollow. It's like waking up feeling nothing. Practically a zombie. I'm kinda thankful that I got diarrhoea because I will be in so much pain to entertain the other 'pain' i'm feeling each day. But UT3s just around the corner & I can't wish to be unwell that long.

& Can you just imagine how pissed I am? I'm always hopeful to receive a text from Him but it's always texts from other people. If you are my close friend atleast it's fine, it is those who don't matter kept texting me & pissing me off !

I'm sorry if I have offended or ignored alot of people.

I'm so pissed with some people texting me ! I do not want to be texted by you guys get it?!!!! Get a life pls & stay away from mine!


Only these people will be entertain.
Bahar, Ivan, Leonard, Shadrina, Rose, Azza & Irin.

If you're name don't appear, stop texting before I smack your face !

I'm love sick again. I had a bad dream again. Woke up feeling very suffocated.
If only I still have you. Waking up everyday will always be a pleasant one.
I stood in front of the window again & kept chanting, "I have to move on" many times. Hope it works one day.

To make my day worst, I'm down with diarrhea also known as diarrhoea. Im feeling damn weak right now. My sis must have passed the virus to me! Should I break fast or just have some rest?

Damn I miss you & I cnt stop thinking of you.

I realised there's nothing else I can do to make you change your mind. So I think I should let you be happy. I shouldn't forced you anymore. Like Ivan said, "Letting go is another way to show you love him, love should'nt be selfish." I think he's right. I promise you I'll try my very best to move on. I wish every happiness to you. May you find your one & only.

I will still look after the baby aloe vera you gave me. It's growing pretty fast :) I will not let it die. Cause that's the only thing living amongst us. Sayonara. I hope we can still be friends.

I'll never forget you.

Hi everyone. This is puppy. I had him since I was 5? Idk what age but I was still a toddler when I had him. It was actually my cousin's. But I refused to returned it when I went to her house. (That's what my mum told me) I need puppy every night. If not, I can't get to sleep. I washed it a couple of days ago. It's clean & it smells good now. But puppy is getting old. See, his pupils are all whote now and there are holes on him. (it's caused by the pin from my pacifier last time) I love you puppy. You'll never leave me right?

I bought this hair colour cos I kind of like the colour. But when I got home, I regretted buying it cos it's actually hard bleach type -.-

I never bleach my hair before & i'm afraid I looked like a weird blonde ! Should I just try it??